Saturday, October 28, 2006 ; 1:26 PM
27th Fri...
Yesterday was tiring and scary day.. didn't slept at all the previous night.. the situation was bad.. I love gabriel and i don't wanna lose a friend.. but instead they fought.. i didn't know what to do.. as you say i must be crazy to go to find him.. but i can't help it.. I tired to love you but i can't make myself to love you.. the love was just different more of a friend type.. I hope you can give up on loving me.. for i can't give anything in return.. I am sorry.. I can't help myself.. I am weak..But my heart has never change from the start.. my heart never stop loving him.. and I will accept the fact that i will cry and feel upset again.. But when I cry is because i really do love him not because i am hurt..
I know your purpose last night and i admit he is violence.. but my love is blind.. i can't help but miss him and wanting to see him..But for both of you guys i am terribly sorry for what i have done to both of you.. if only i wasn't so uncertain or even i don't exist it won't be so complicated..
Looking at both of you fight last night was really hurting.. and listening to you scolding me last night was even more hurting..I do deserve you scolding.. i know i hurt you.. and i deserve it and i don't wanna continue hurting you and i had decided not to lean on you anymore..I will start walking on my own.. I will take all the conseques that i said above.. I am sorry for giving you hope..but my heart cannot be changed.. you can say i am stupid and weak and everything but my heart will be the same.. even after so long..in the end my heart contolled my body.. I really am sorry.. to the both of you.. SORRY..
Matt
I am sorry.. I can't put my feeling on you.. somehow I just can't feel for you.. even i tried.. I am so sorry.. so so so sorry.. I know what you meant when you say you know who can give you happiness.. I am happy being with you but the happiness wasn't really what i want where the sadness is cover.. I want to be with the person I love.. I know you must be thinking your words didn't get into my head.. I can say its partly true but I need you to stand in my shoe and look too.. sorry and thanks..
Gab
What you had done to me and letting me deserve all the past was unacceptable.. saying break-up and making me leave everytime we fight is even unacceptble.. when can you learn to control your temper and not use violence? even thought the top part makes you stand more chances it doesn't mean anything.. my heart is my heart.. I can't be always contibuting and you not doing anything, asking me to change is not the solution for my character can't be changed.. unless you learn to treat me better or not i can't be with you at all.. do you understand?
